Diarrhea in a freighter?

[aa30]

this is some funny crap!! thanks for the laughs. i have spewed coffee all over my lap top - many thanks.

 

[E-Man]

One cold night on USC 182-BDL to FRG-i emptied the bag of checks. I almost dropped the deuce-instead i ran into the rampers trailer and dropped on a toilet which i found out to be non functional after the fact. Running from the scene so quickly, I left my jacket with my clear company logo on it, keys, wallet etc. Quickly flew from teb back there, picked it up and never heard a thing about it afterwards. I don't wish that on anybody ever. the pains, the sweats, it's all psychological. If you know there's a lav on board, it's a little easier to hold it in. Crazy stuff!

 

[jetbluedog]

Dead Body

Back in '94 I was flying for a 135 outfit in the Midwest. Got a call at 11pm to fly a body from a morgue in Omaha, NE to DSM, IA in a Piper Navajo. Grabbed some Taco Bell on the way to the airport. Ate in the car on the way, didn't think much about it. Quick pre-flight, the hurse showed-up with a body bag. 3 guys loaded the body in the back, signed some paperwork, and I blasted off headed east to DSM. About 30 mins into the flight, 9000 feet, clear smooth.....all-hell broke loose within my inner bowels. I grimmaced. Shifted from left buttcheek, to right buttcheek, and back and forth, but no-luck. I knew few FBO's in po-dunk Iowa would have facilities open at 1a.m. I put my trusty faith in the autopilot, crawled in back. No one at the controls! Unzipped the body bag. Squatted over the body, a foot on either side of the dead body. Blasted my load.....man that never felt so good. Zipped up the body bag and crawled back up front.
In DSM, I've never heard a bunch of funeral home directors complaint about a body's smell while unloading in all my life. I stayed in the plane because I was laughing my-ass-off so hard.
Blasted off and returned to home base in Omaha. Never told anyone til' today!

 

[wwiiguy]

Ahh, yes, timeless Toilet humor

Thanks to whoever started this thread....man, i havent laughed so hard from anything on this message board! But it's almost scary, makes one think that it is sort of a rite of passage for a pilot to have at least one, and only one "crapped-my-pants" story.

"Booooy, you ain't a real pilot till ya sh** yer britches at 10,000 feet with nothing to do it in cept that fuel strainer of yours and pieces of that sectional you **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED**-shur never used anyway to wipe your a**...with 10 rich folks in the back....flying in a level 5 both ways. Till then ya ain't even a pimple on a real flyer's a**!"

I dread to think of the day when I will finally have my own story to tell on this thread......

 

[Guillotine007]

Carry a Gatorade or Powerade bottle...much larger mouth than the 20oz Coke bottle. Standard equipment in my Flightbag.

i'm calling shennanigans on this one. we all know guys from WMU...and suffice to say, the 20oz coke bottle is plenty big enough for you.

 

[CUEBOAT]

The best thing to use when you have to snap a duece on the fly is an empty tennis ball container. Its like a piece of tupperware.

 

[blingair]

Ah finally a topic on this board I know a little something about... the bag of shame. Prevention is the key. Don't eat anything that is suspect. Be cautious and eat only food that you've had before. Always keep some babywipes and a travel size of Kleenex. Immodium takes a little time and won't help with the first wave. Don't be afraid to use the garbage it's much better out than in ,plus its good for a bar story! Last but not least, don't be ashamed of your bag of doo...stand proud in your uniform holding your trophy as you walk across that ramp...you have just joined THE CLUB. And by the way: Fokkers & Beer is the president?, I don't think so, your the Kerry and I'm the Bush (I think thats good).

 

[tsky]

The other day I was jumpseating home form YVR. I had loaded up on some mexican food a few hours ago in OAK. I was at the ticket counter filling out the jumpseat form when the diarrhea wave hit me with passionate force. I still had to clear customs and go through security, and with 25 minutes till my flight left, I had to make a choice. Sweat beaded on my forhead as the ticket agent looked at me kinda wierd. I decided to hit the can before I went to the gate. Luckily I made my flight!

 

[irapilot]

Ok, there was the night in the baron many years ago where I had to pee in a flashlight as I had no other choice. Of course, the 2 "D" Cell flashlight was not big enough so I had to pinch it and try to empty out the window (didn't work so well) and refill several times. I carried the flashligh across the ramp with pride (and 2 fingers) and dumped it into a garbage can.

I never did have to "drop the kids at the pool" or even better "punch a grumpy" so bad that I had to resort to measures other than a FAA approved sh*tter - but there was an FO in the Hawker that made a stink that the passengers could smell on their clothes 2 hours later after getting out of the plane.....we had to fire him....kidding, sorta.

 

[Caravanfixer]

I'm the president. The worst thing about it is trying to get rid of the bag.

Yeah? Can't throw it out the window on an F27? BTW, that aviatrr is Frank Sinatra in 1938.