Tough situation, please help!!

C

C172Guy

So far I have not made any posts on this board. I have only viewed others posts, but I've got a situation that I really need your guys' advice on, and I must seek help from someone. Since a lot of you guys are professional pilots, I figured you could help me on this more than anyone else.

First of all, I am 23 years old, and I'm in my junior year of college engaged to be married. I am an Aerospace Administration major, which is a business/aviation major. Recently I have been working on my private liscence, to get a taste of some actual flying instead of just business. It didn't take me long to realize that I love the actual flying part of aviation 10 X better than the business part. Now instead of going into the business field, I have thought this through, and I've decided that I want to try to go ahead and do all the training and be a pilot. I've always dreamed of being an airline pilot, but for some reason I've never really acted on it.

Here's the thing. I have discussed this thoughorly with my fiance. She is happy tht I want to chase my dream and she supports me all the way with it. However there is one thing that worries both of us. Her and I know thta pilots are away from home a lot, and we are a little concerned how that would go over with us. I think I'd be fine with it because I'm a little more independent than she is. Not to mention I'd be doing what I love, which would make it that much easier for me. But I'm a little worried about she'd handle it. She doesn't do so well when she can't be with me. In high school I played baseball, and in the summers I'd be gone a lot for out of town games. She didn't like it when I was gone. She has said that she has no intentions of leaving me if I do this, but I she still says she is a little worried how it would be.

What should I do? I don't think I'd be happy if I didn't go for this. But if I did, would that mean it would put my marriage in jeapordy? Have any of you ran into a similar situation? How do you guys handle this type of thing? Or am I just plain old SOL? Please try to shed some light on this for me. Thank you.

P.S. I know this isn't a forum about relationships, but you guys are the only ones I know that could help me. And sorry this is so long. Thanks again.
 

Guam360

spam and rice please
Joined
Feb 5, 2002
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Go for the flying dude!

well,
1. finish your degree
2. at least get your private license
3. then decide further..........................
 

rudderdog

Well-known member
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You better ask "Nicole". She seem to have all the experience in these matters. Good luck though, I'm sure you two will make the right decisions. :cool:
 

Timebuilder

Entrepreneur
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I'll let Dr. Laura handle the aspects of your relationship, but as far as flying goes, finish the degree and get a stable job first. Continue training, and perhaps wangle a way to get your employer to help pay for it. You could do flight instruction on the weekends for a few hours, giving you some time away from a screaming offspring and giving you wife some time with her mother, whom I surmise will be less than ten miles away.

Other scenarios could include weekday 135 work, or corporate flying, which brings the pilot home for the weekend, if not every night.

On a personal note, when I first started working in radio, I had a girlfriend who got hysterical one evening because she was at home, by herself, while I was producing a show at the station, a mere 12 minutes away. I had to hand the show over to an assistant to leave and calm her down. No intruder or prowler, she was just bonkers without attention. While not every woman is the high strung model type, I'd proceed cautiously. These personality traits are very difficult to modify, and in fact, could become more intense. Just a brotherly word of advice.
 

starchkr

New Bus driver
Joined
Nov 26, 2001
Posts
1,065
Total Time
enough
Good luck with both. If you both want it to happen then it will. "Relationships are reciprocal, you need to listen to a girl. Come on Casanova, i'll take you back to your friends"... oh sorry, got carried away with the movie quotes again.


The way i have always heard it referred to is AIDS...

Airline
Induced
Divorce
Syndrome

A very common "syndrome" within the aviation community. It happens with all of the long trips away from home. But, it doesn't have to happen to everyone. Both of you can work on making it work and things will be great. Always chase your dreams, and let nothing come between you.
 

Spectre

Well-known member
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Dec 21, 2001
Posts
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Your road ahead to an airline career is a long one. Once you decide flying is for you, take the necessary steps for your career. Sounds like you are already at an aviation school. So, if you have the money or loans, gain all the necessary ratings to flight instructor. Then build your hours until you are marketable to commuters or finally the majors. Consider the Guard/Reserve as an option. Depending on the state you live in, they are all hiring. Our Michigan C-130 guard unit is hiring people off the street with a private license and sending them to military flight school (UPT). It's a great way to gain quality hours and network with the guys who have airline jobs in the unit.

About the lady. Sure, there are times you'll have to be gone from home in the airline business. You'll also miss a lot of holidays, birthdays etc. If you commute to your base, you'll be gone a lot. But I live at my base for NWA. I bid reserve and am gone not more than 10 days a month, sometimes less. Whilie I'm on reserve, I'm at home or around town with my cell phone. You're given a guaranteed 75 hours a month. To persuade the lady...I'll make a 6 figure salary and do what I enjoy! You have a benefit package that is the best in the world. You'll even get a 6 figure retirement income. It took me 10 years of military time to get where I am today. If you talk to civilian pilots working at the commuters, it takes a little less time. However, the pay at commuters stinks and the days are long. It's not an easy road, but when you get there, it's GREAT!!!
 

flyboysgal

from the gang at home
Joined
Feb 23, 2002
Posts
53
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plenty
YOU have a bit of time...

Before all that kicks in.

Get the degree. That will take a while.
Build your hours. That will take a while.
You two will have those years under your belt to decide if you like EACH OTHER.

I am a firm believer in failing. I learned almost all of the good things I learned in life from trying, getting it wrong and trying again. Those are the lessons that count.

I am also in favor of giving it your best shot. Now I am not sure how you feel about marriage, but if you both do that for better or worse thing, and you both mean to keep up your end of the bargain, it should work out fine.
HECK you are 23!!! YOU won't grow up until you are 40 and she may be happy to have the time off by the time you are on a rotten schedule and only home to disrupt the routine.

GO FORWARD. It will either turn out badly or well. I hate it when people are so cautious they miss out on all the fun. Divorce is the intellegent end to a really good idea that just needed re-thinking. Dropping your dream is a lifelong regret.

If she is the one holding you back, talk and talk and talk and be sure she really wants YOU, not your potential. We girls love to plan. It is a good thing initially but we are really tied into who we think the GUY of our dreams should be. Timebuilder is absolutely right, I have flaked myself... not no 15 minutes away... (I believe I had a great reason for flakin' :D he was not so sure) but I know phone calls are rotten ways to work out relationship problems.

LIKE each other. That is my advice.
I was just telling a pilot's girlfriend NOT to put her life on hold for him and I guess I truly believe it is the same for you. If you have to do too many backflips for her, you will just be miserable too.

Take one step at a time and throw it up to the gods!!!!
Have fun,
 

Speedtree

lovin' life
Joined
Jan 6, 2002
Posts
193
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I would offer a different view. I believe you get out of a marriage what you put into it. She should be your number one priority. (you should be hers as well but that's her side of the story). I believe you will be happiest loving a wife who loves you back. I would rather have a crappy job and the wife I have now than a dream job and somebody else, or no mate at all.

Now for the airline stuff. I am a corporate pilot waiting on a call from the airlines. Yes you will be gone a lot but you will also be home a lot. Keep in mind that other jobs require lots of dedication and time spent at work. The guys we fly all across the country for days at a time are gone from their families just as long as I am. Which is worse, being gone for three days and home for four, or working 8-8 at the office five days a week. It's hard at the beginning but worth it in the end in my opinion. When I'm home for too long my wife gets sick of me just hanging around driving her crazy and asks me if I don't have a trip to fly or something. It's not so bad really.

and there you go.
 

flyboysgal

from the gang at home
Joined
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... not to BE Dr. Laura... but...

That is my point.

Both of you are as good as what you put into the marriage. If one of you is doing more than they should, they will either tire out or want out.
Be sure you both are as committied to the other's real dreams, not just clear on the inconvenience. I call it the n words. If you can see clearly what you doN't want caN't do etc, you are missing the do and can. If she has a clear vision of YOU she should have a clear vision of herself. It is give and recieve, not give and take or give and sacrifice. If you are both in it to make everyone happy, you end up with the relationship above. That means two people with secure love, not neurotic attachments, and that comes by knowing your self and putting the relationship above the individual.

If you can't live without her, you will probably have a hard time living WITH her. That is a lot of responsibility for one person. Time will mellow the relationship. IT WILL. It will change for the better or the worse, but as individuals, neither will be happy about what they gave up, unless they got something really good or better. If she is filling up the hole flying would make, when she decides to go get a life, you will still love her, but what do you do with all that free time? Share your lives, try not to be in a position where a resentment can show up later.
FLYING OR NO FLYING... Since I have always sacrificed, no matter who, this guy is so much better as a mate when he is on HIS track in life and not trying to do it FOR me. And I am flying in my own stuff knowing he is happy doing his.

makng any sense? Nobody here is going to flip the coin for you. But they all will tell you how the divorce came about and what it is their wife held together. Partners is best.

bye again
 

Draginass

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Posts
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An airline job will almost certainly will keep you away from home for extended periods. Count on it. Add to that the fact that you'll be working with other female pilots, flight attendants, etc on overnight trips . . . . . In my experience, trust and the ability to get along self-sufficiently are essential qualitites for a pilot's spouse. I think it is VERY important that your spouse has somewhat of a "life" (job, hobbies, friends, interests) of their own as well and not tie every breathing moment to you. That advice has served me well over 20 years of being married to the same great gal over careers in both the military and commercial airlines.
 
C

C172Guy

Thank you.

Thank you indeed for all of your responses. I got a wide array of feedback, some negative, some positive. I was able to realize that it is no joy ride to keep a marriage going with a job like a pilot. However, I have decided that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work out. It will definitely be worth it in the end, it it does. I've started a couple more threads with some other questions that I've got. If you could take a look at those and help me out, I'd appreciate it. Or keep posting about this one. I'll never stop taking advice. Thank you.
 
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