Leaving Kids/Family while flying

[DC9stick]

My husband requested that I respond to your post (he is also the owner of this screen name). We think you are getting way too much negative feedback. Although I am not a pilot (my husband is)-I just retired from a 29 year career in the Federal Bureau of Prisons. That too, is a male-dominated field and I had to put up with either blatant or clandestine comments concerning my working at an all-male prison, or being pregnant in an all-male prison. After our son was born, it became a real issue finding reliable day-care with my husband being away a good deal of the time and my working irregular hours. I ran the gamut of day-care facilities, baby sitters and in home day-care operators. I can tell you I had better luck with the day-care facilities as individual baby sitters are not regulated in any way and even those home day-care operators, who are state regulated, are oftentimes suspect. When I was flying on the BOP Air-Lift, my husband and I seldom saw each other and our son was shuffled from our care to two different day-care centers. I admit that during that period of time, I felt guilty, but we had to do what we had to do and made up for it when we had our son with us by making him the center of our attention. Whenever you use someone else to care for your children, you must interview them carefully, inspect the premises, and check references. You have to work diligently to ensure your children get the best care possible and then check up on the operators periodically. Also, using a day-care facility usually means that proprietors must conform to state regulations, to include inspections in nutrition, education of their workers, and safety/sanitation. Due to our diligence in managing our schedules, spending quality time with our son, and being ever watchful of care-givers, our 20 year old son has turned out just fine, thank you. He attends a top-rated university, has never been in trouble, and is very responsible. His father and I are looking forward to our son receiving a commission to the Air Force upon his graduation. All in all, we agree that the path we took, was the right one. Good luck.

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Of course, where you get your opinions does matter... I'm sure there are many message boards that will tell you what you want to hear... And asking a male dominated pilot message board about flying and raising kids you are going to get answers that won't be the same a pro-woman or feminists....

We all make choices....

A flying career (job) and a prison job? After day care and taxes how much was brought home? How much was needed and how much was wanted...

Finally can you ask your son, "When growing up would you have rather spent time at home with one of us or in day care?"

Let us know what he says.....


Two major factors in our society;

Women that feel they have to have a professional career or earn money to be considered of value. Both men and women have shunned the title "stay at home Mom". This almost means you're oppressed by a patriarch and function in a mindless prison (no pun intended). Free yourself! Get out of the house and get a job! Don't subject yourselves to 3000 yrs of control! and;

Keeping up with the Jones'. Our hyper consumption lifestyles causes us to blur the difference between want and need.

Good Luck....

 

[Gulfstream 200]

hyper consumption it is.

Look at a day care center around 0730am. Most drop offs are in the latest BMW or TAHOE SUV's. Not all....but a whole lot.

and thats sad. Its a choice, yes, but its sad.

I DO however, think the trend these days is towards the stay at home mom (or even dad) choice. I would say the majority of kids in our town have stay at home parents, and its your average middle class area.

It has to be a hard choice, my wife gave up a 75K/yr job to stay home..the goal was 2 years, but 4 have passed and now I couldn't get her to go back if I chased her with a stick!

Sacrafices? sure...we dont do any fancy vacations (small local family stuff). We went from 4 cars (including a sports car) to two average reliable safe vehicles. We could even get by easy with one...she could drop me at work. We went from 2 401ks,4 IRAs, and a brokerage account to just keeping up with one 401k. Thats the biggest burn on me...not seeing savings grow much. But its worth it. Christmas? no more expensive jewelry, now its kid stuff..and a $25 limit for each other (OK I dont obey that one..)

Do we miss having extra money? yeah sometimes...but I would never trade it for seeing how well my kids are raised and how good I can feel leaving on a long International run knowing that our house and family are under the 24hr care of a great wife. Thats worth every bit of extra cash we gave up..

Does this guarantee you will raise a great product? nope, not 100%, but its hard enough in the world today - give them every chance you can to get it right!

Good luck whatever your choice is!!

 

[BOSCFI]

There are jobs that you can both work and not have to put your child in day care. Airlines that do out and backs work good. Im home evrey night. I work the afternoon shift and my wife works in the morning. Its not a major airline type job (IE. pay & benefits) but it allows me to be home. No day care because we alternate watching the baby.

 

[learflyer]

Why even have kids to begin with? My wife and I have a dog and two cats at home and are STRESS FREE!! Can we have kids? (medically) Yes. Do we want them? He!! No. I may be in the minority here, but everytime I see a poor mother at the store, they always seem to be struggling. They always seem so unhappy constantly having to tell them no, put that down, no u can't have that. to me, there is nothing noble about that.

I've seen the damage children can do to a household both emotionally, and physically. Why more people don't want to have a more simple life is beyond me.

 

[Hobbs]

FlyGirlFelicia:

PM me. I have a lot of friends with the same dilemma.

 

[fastandlow]

Why even have kids to begin with? My wife and I have a dog and two cats at home and are STRESS FREE!! Can we have kids? (medically) Yes. Do we want them? He!! No. I may be in the minority here, but everytime I see a poor mother at the store, they always seem to be struggling. They always seem so unhappy constantly having to tell them no, put that down, no u can't have that. to me, there is nothing noble about that.

I've seen the damage children can do to a household both emotionally, and physically. Why more people don't want to have a more simple life is beyond me.

Nothing noble?! What a sad perspective. Those on the outside looking in don't understand. Those on the inside looking out can't explain it. In another sense, who's going to be holding your hand or your spouses hand when you die? the nurse or orderly, no one?? What a way to cap off your turn at life on Earth! I don't fault anyone's choice of not having children - actually there are plenty of people on the planet. But having children raises your purpose on this planet to a level way above those who have none. Not judgement, just a fact.

And for those without kids, please don't *ever* compare your dog or cat to my child!

 

[Ravengirl]

Ditto's, English!!!!!!!!!!!

I so strongly support the concept that kids need their parents, that I'd walk away from the cockpit before I'd let my kids spend another day in day care. My step kids were day-care'd and the difference between them and my biological kids is night and day. My oldest daugher was kept in a friends home for three days a week for one year and I can tell the difference between her and her younger sibling who has not ever spent a day away from her mom. Kids without full time mothers are forced to do without God's intended shepard.

Go listen to Dr. Laura for a day or two and read her book entitled "Parentling by Proxie" for some professional insights into the parent child relationships and the damage that absentee parenting does to those relationships, and most importantly does to the emotional development of a child.

God will bless those who sacrifice material things in order to give their children a proper upbringing.

regards,
enigma

BTW, take your kids to Sunday school.

Hoo, boy. Talk about a can of worms Skip this if you don't want to read an essay...

I'm in the distinct minority among my female friends - I'm a conservative kind of girl at heart, both politically and as far as some of my values are concerned. At age 23! In southern California! And while I'm not a strict disciple of Dr. Laura, I do agree with a LOT of what she has to say.

From my own personal experience: My father was, and is, an aerospace engineer who worked a lot of hours. He made great money even just starting out in his career. My mother did not have to work if she did not want to, and I never lacked anything that I required or even just wanted as I was growing up. Hell, the guy gave me my private pilot training as a high school graduation present. But...I saw my dad for maybe a couple of hours a week, total. We've got a better relationship now, but I feel like I've lost a lot of time already.

Different times in my childhood, my mother also worked at the sister my school and I attended. That was great, because she'd take us to school, work, then bring us home. But there was a miserable period of a couple years where she worked another job. My sister and I spent ninety minutes before school each day in daycare, and the same with the three hours after classes were out for the day. I was not a happy kid, my grades suffered, and I honestly wondered why it was that I never got to see my parents. I was thrilled to no end when my mother quit that job. Now that I'm older and we talk about these things, she tells me she regrets doing that and wishes she'd spent more time with my sister and I when we weren't in classes.

I'm (the doctors tell me) almost certainly never going to have my own children. I don't mind so much, because I've never really wanted them anyhow. If I change my mind, there are so many children out there that need good homes, and I don't think I'd have any qualms about doing that. It's just...there are things I want to see and do with my life (ATC is just one!) that are not necessarily conducive to having children at home. Is it a little selfish? Maybe. But I also think I'm being UNselfish in that I would never try to raise any child unless I could be, and wanted to be home with them. I don't see the point of having a kid if you never get to see it. I don't see the point of a woman having a child and going back to work six weeks later. I can see a woman working part-time when the kids hit grade school, but other than that, no. Having a child means you no longer live for you, but for your child, and I see fewer and fewer people doing that anymore. I see my friends struggle with jobs and kids and it just makes me kind of sad for the kids.

Take it for what you will, but remember, you did ask.

Stephanie

 

[LarryinTN]

Do we want them? He!! No.

Well, if you don't want kids then I'd certainly agree that you shouldn't have them. Nothing worse than kids who aren't wanted. It's too bad that more people don't figure that out before they have them.

 

[surplus1]

So according to you, everyone who has kids should both be home "taking care" of this said child 24/7? 365 days a year??? Both parents? Please.

I did not say both parents should be at home 24/7/365. That is obviously impossible. The following is what YOU wrote:

I am definitely not a stay-at-home type and neither is my husband. I can understand being with the kids when they are younger, but who the hell wants to sit around the house all day once they are in school full time?

That tells me that your interest in your personal pleasure is more important to you than sitting around watching your kids. Heaven forbid that you should be "bored" by having to stay at home to take care of a child.

I do not know who you are or what you really think; I don't even care. However, I do read what you write. Therefore, I think that you and your husband should avoid the inconvenience of children that might interfere with your lifestyle, whatever it may be. In fact I don't even think you should own a dog, for it is more than likely to wind up in an animal shelter.