flydog
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- Nov 28, 2001
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Chicago, IL. (AP) – United Airlines, the troubled air carrier which filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection this month announced today that it will file an 1113 request with the bankruptcy court in Chicago by December 26th. Unnamed sources report that United is going to ask for everything from the employees. “From agonizing pay cuts to the kitchen sink.” UAL CEO Glenn Tilton told WI that it is United’s intention to restructure the airline and to do so the employees are going to have to give up everything, including “their kitchen sinks.”
This in a move that shocked United Pilots’ leader, Paul Whiteford. “Stunning,” Whiteford said. “I mean I’m stunned.” Whiteford, the fifty-three year old beleaguered Master Chairman of the United branch of the AirLine Pilots Association expressed concern, confusion, and outrage. “I’m concerned, I’m confused, and I’m outraged about having to give up the kitchen sink. “Many of our pilots have just remodeled their kitchens. We’ve been waiting years for the new line of Kohlers to come out … and now this. Next thing you know United will be asking for our toilets. And what about the pilots who rent? What about them? What the hell are we supposed to do now?”
Whiteford may not be far off the mark. Ray Niederballster, an airline industry analyst with JP Morgan said that he believes airline managements are going to be asking for more creative solutions from employees. “They’ve got to start thinking outside the litter box,” Niederballster said. “American Airlines insiders have been hinting for sometime now about the need for more. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear an announcement as early as next week from Don Carty that they’re going to have to have toilets from the pilots and bidets from the flight attendants. Things have changed in this industry and the overpaid, under wiped employees are just going to have to wake up and smell the s_ _t.”
An ex-UAL high-level manager who asked not to be identified was reached for comment at his New Delhi, India home. “Ha, ha,” he said.
Garry Kravit, a 17-year veteran and captain with United Airlines, when reached for comment had this to say, “They can take my sink, and they can take my toilet, but they’ll have to pry my crew meal from my cold dead hands.” Randy Ott, a Chicago based Airbus First Officer, who claims to be excited about his move to the Boeing 737 early next year, had this comment, "They can have my sink, heck take everything except my hangar I will live in that, I have plenty of bushes around the place so if they REALLY need the **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** toilet UAL can take it as well, I don't care anymore after all these years of being kicked down by United Express and now United I am just about at the end of my rope.
United Stock rose 11% to 1.62 on the news.
Copyright © 2002, Wing’d It
This in a move that shocked United Pilots’ leader, Paul Whiteford. “Stunning,” Whiteford said. “I mean I’m stunned.” Whiteford, the fifty-three year old beleaguered Master Chairman of the United branch of the AirLine Pilots Association expressed concern, confusion, and outrage. “I’m concerned, I’m confused, and I’m outraged about having to give up the kitchen sink. “Many of our pilots have just remodeled their kitchens. We’ve been waiting years for the new line of Kohlers to come out … and now this. Next thing you know United will be asking for our toilets. And what about the pilots who rent? What about them? What the hell are we supposed to do now?”
Whiteford may not be far off the mark. Ray Niederballster, an airline industry analyst with JP Morgan said that he believes airline managements are going to be asking for more creative solutions from employees. “They’ve got to start thinking outside the litter box,” Niederballster said. “American Airlines insiders have been hinting for sometime now about the need for more. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear an announcement as early as next week from Don Carty that they’re going to have to have toilets from the pilots and bidets from the flight attendants. Things have changed in this industry and the overpaid, under wiped employees are just going to have to wake up and smell the s_ _t.”
An ex-UAL high-level manager who asked not to be identified was reached for comment at his New Delhi, India home. “Ha, ha,” he said.
Garry Kravit, a 17-year veteran and captain with United Airlines, when reached for comment had this to say, “They can take my sink, and they can take my toilet, but they’ll have to pry my crew meal from my cold dead hands.” Randy Ott, a Chicago based Airbus First Officer, who claims to be excited about his move to the Boeing 737 early next year, had this comment, "They can have my sink, heck take everything except my hangar I will live in that, I have plenty of bushes around the place so if they REALLY need the **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** toilet UAL can take it as well, I don't care anymore after all these years of being kicked down by United Express and now United I am just about at the end of my rope.
United Stock rose 11% to 1.62 on the news.
Copyright © 2002, Wing’d It
