A little aviation humor for the holidays

T-handle

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2001
Posts
344
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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS
pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way .....Quantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers
lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 

Wiggums

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.
Funny, but when did Quantas start using an IFF? Eh?
 

OtterFO

Flying Again!!!!
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Nov 25, 2001
Posts
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If Quantas has Target Radar onboard, I want it too...
 

72Longhorn

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Joined
Dec 1, 2001
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Quantas

Quantas has had an acciedent recorded on airdisaster.com If you look on the web site you'll see a Quantas B-747 parked in a golf course at the end of a runway. hat was a pretty big accident.

Check it out.
 

ifly4food

ifly4food.com
Joined
Nov 28, 2001
Posts
956
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To Muc
This has been going around for YEARS!
It was originally attributed to the Air Force, but I think it's been attributed to every branch and every airline. Quantas is a new one to me.
It was funny the first few times...
 

treetop flyer

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Nov 26, 2001
Posts
125
Total Time
>5000
Hey everybody.....ready for this? Qantas doesn't have a "U"

Really I'm not kidding! It actually is an acronym for.....

Queensland and Northern Territories Air Service

Just a tidbit of knowledge to impress upon your flying buddies!

Happy Holidays and fly safe! TF
 

Wizwheel

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2001
Posts
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Modern Folk Tale

It doesn't matter if it's true, It is a modern folk tale. Just like ghost stories...let your imagination run a little. It made me smile, and I've heard it before.

Just what I needed.

WW
 
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