Diarrhea in a freighter?

[flydaddy0499]

Holy Crap!!!!!!!! I thought this thread went the way of a Flightinfo Imodium dosage. Oh well, here's my contribution to the Great Turd-Schlocking Thread:

In a C-402C underneath the bright and clear Texas sky; I felt a little twitch in my tummy @ 11,000 ft, headed back to DAL. Never before having the privilege of such intestinal revolt in the cockpit left yours truly somewhat unprepared for what happened next. Yes, I admit that the Richter scale rumblings had previously not graced my presence in the cockpit, but this night was certainly to be different. A juicy NY strip (cooked medium) was oh so great going down about 1 hour earlier. I am sure the steakhouses in AMA have most certainly claimed their fair share of freight dogs in the past. Ooops, there went another pre-shock. Quickly recognizing that 9.5 was just around the corner, it was either my flight bag, the co-pilot's seat or the cargo bags right behind my head. You guessed it, the cargo bag was calling my arse to empty it's steaming contents like a pornstar begging for a....(nevermind). What kind of cargo you ask? Bags full of developed film neatly sealed in more pastic bags waiting to be delivered to you local Walgreens, CVS, Eckerd's, etc.

Uh, oh, here comes the 9.5 as I slide over between the two seats. It's a close one as the cargo bag is opened and the plastic bag inside opened to receive the bacterial remains of a once-fine bovine.

I never knew what became of the bag and it's bacterial contents, but I am quite sure that some poor photo lab guy working the night shift at a pharmacy in the Dallas area has a pretty good idea.

Flydaddy.

 

[regionaljoe]

This is the funniest thing I've ever read!!! Took me almost two hours to read it all! I almost wish i had had an "episode" so i could contribute!

 

[Sabresaurus]

Fortunately (so far) have not had the debilitating experience of "inflight launch" of a poopy projectile, but for a hysterical read go to Google or Altavista and type in "Ryan Steakhouse Story", you will laugh your arse's off.

 

[414Flyer]

Oh I could relate a story of a 2.5 hour drive in India from Pune to Mumbai, with so much intestinal presssure, that basically I am constantly clenching and pressing my butt cheeks together. The only bathroom in the middle was closed, not that it would have been very good anyways.

Luckily it took about a month to get clearance to fly once I got to india, so the intestinal catastrophes were gone by that time. I noticed during that time of Gandhis revenge, I was constantly burping, foul ones at that.

 

[Draginass]

Geez. India? Why didn't you just drop it in the road like the rest of the locals do?

In Egypt, I saw a guy hike up his dress in the middle of a city street and drop a Cairo Steamer right there. Could hardly believe it. Now I believe anything about the Middle East.

 

[SpatialD]

Very funny stuff sitting here in my den in my pajamas - maybe not so funny at 14,000 feet.

On a serious, practical note - whenever my stomach feels a little froggy (or punchy or grumpy), or if my poops aren't just real healthy (I've found it beneficial to rate them on things like density, texture, bouancy, etc.), I chug down a full dose of fiber supplement like Metamucil or similar as a preventive measure. It keeps things under control and averts surprises. I'm able to go when I need to go, but if I just can't go due to circumstances, I'm able to keep a lid on it. At least, that's been my experience so far. Not saying I won't get uncomfortable at times, but I can pretty much always wait till an opportune time to unload. Being able to vacate easily before flight is also a significant benefit to head off any mid-air developments.

Fiber is important for a lot of reasons - but this one may top the list. Rule of thumb: if your turds don't float, you're not getting enough fiber. Food poisioning or something would be another story. In that case, divert and land - you're legitimately incapacitated and the company would just have to deal with it. I think I am going to start carrying some kind of emergency receptacle though after reading all these stories.

 

[spudskier]

^^ Seriously, after this thread on very long trips I take an empty Gatorade bottle and two plastic grocery bags! *jUsT iN CasE*

 

[NuGuy]

Fiber is important for a lot of reasons - but this one may top the list. Rule of thumb: if your turds don't float, you're not getting enough fiber. Food poisioning or something would be another story. In that case, divert and land - you're legitimately incapacitated and the company would just have to deal with it. I think I am going to start carrying some kind of emergency receptacle though after reading all these stories.

Hrmmm,

Some of my turds have played "U-Boat Commander" on a crash dive. You know the ones, where you give birth to a 10 pounder and then check the bowl afterwards to see nothing, not even a bacon strip. Maybe I should leave a box of Triscuts next to the old computer...

Nu

 

[skydivinguy]

Way back in 95 at the FX ramp in PDX as I was doing postflight inspections as the planes arrived, an FX ramper told me that a pilot needed MX to meet his airplane. He pulled into a tiedown as the FX marshaller was still enroute, shut down the engine, popped his door open. Said he had an accident and had to leave the ramp-now! I watched him heading for the ramp like a turret spinning around to face whoever he came across. That airplane was the first Van we had with the leather seats and it wasn't so bad cleaning up his pants filtered mess. Upside was he gave me several T shirts later with a FX van and "Caravan crew" on them for my help and being discreet.

 

[lvedepo]

A pill a day keeps the runs away

If I have to fly over an hour then I usually pop an immodium before the flight no matter what. Seems like you will be feeling great and as soon as that gear comes up your stomache starts gurgling. I had to fly a Lancair from Iowa to Oregon and about didnt make it. Thats 7 hours non stop! Thank god for Immodium.